Originally published at-
http://www.american-reporter.com
Vol. 5, No. 1221, December 13, 1999
SATIRE: THE SKINNY ON THE DRUG CZAR
by Sanho Tree - American Reporter Correspondent
Washington, D.C.
President Clinton's "Drug Czar,"
General Barry McCaffrey, has opposed medical marijuana and clean
needle exchange because he doesn't want to send the wrong message
to kids, but one has to wonder: What is his position on anorexia?
Since our society finds it so loathsome, why not criminalize it?
It is a dangerous and often life-threatening
behavior, so why not outlaw it? Who said you have a right to do
what you please with your own body? Where in the Constitution
does it say that you have a right to ruin your health? We have
a paternalistic state, so let's put it to use. Besides, aren't
we sending the "wrong message" to kids by "medicalizing"
this scourge of self-starvation sweeping across our nation?
According to General McCaffrey's reasoning,
wouldn't a stiff prison sentence reform anorexics and, more importantly,
deter others from engaging in it? If we don't punish these hunger
addicts, aren't we sending the message to kids that this behavior
is OK?
Now, General McCaffrey might say that anorexia
is an illness and that sick people deserve treatment rather than
prison, but I say it's a moral weakness and it's high time we
responded to such decadent behavior with a clear message of zero-tolerance
to these self-abusing social deviants. No more coddling fussy
eaters!
Moreover, it's a well-known fact that virtually
all anorexics first started their behavior by dieting; clearly,
dieting is a gateway to anorexia. Therefore we need to arrest
anyone who embarks upon a diet. Not just because it's a gateway,
but because it really sends the wrong message to kids. If a teenager
sees her friends experimenting with dieting and not having any
problems, then dieting looks like a safe activity so she might
start dieting herself and slide down that slippery slope to anorexia.
By providing federal grants to businesses
to weigh their employees, and by conducting body fat analysis
in schools, we can ensure everyone remains in their government
approved weight range. Diet-law offenders will be fired, expelled
and/or denied federal benefits.
And, in keeping with the traditions of the
"Drug War," a heavily armed SWAT team could burst on
to the set of "Ally McBeal" and apprehend that suspiciously
thin actress. With any luck, we could enlist the First Lady's
support and produce bumper stickers, billboards and PSAs that
declare: "Just say No to Weight Loss" -- a proven First
Lady public health initiative.
But wait! We need to be compassionate (and
not overwhelm the criminal justice system). Not all of food deviants
should be sent to prison. Instead, we need to have "Weight
Courts," so first-time offenders for being underweight can
be forced into treatment. If they do not get treatment, they go
to jail.
If anorexics do go into treatment, their
caloric intake and daily exercise must be closely monitored. (Just
think of the jobs!) First slip lands you a day in Weight Court
watching other underweight people get sentenced. Second slip gets
you a few days in jail. Third slip -- throw away the key.
This would greatly reduce the number of underweight
people in this country, but our government seems to be asleep
at the wheel. Personally, I think General McCaffrey is soft on
food.
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Sanho Tree directs the Drug
Policy Project at the Institute for Policy Studies in Washington.
He stresses that anorexia nervosa is a life-threatening medical
condition and uses it here to illustrate the folly of coercive
approaches to public health problems.
